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#dystopiasf – a new experience

On his way to his San Francisco home, on board the corporate bus, Tim’s Mylifewatch gave him its usual summary guidance for an optimal health and happiness. It always took the opportunity for the down time on the bus, as data showed most employees were least productive during their commute.

“Bring flowers to Jennifer,” the first message said. “A bouquet of flowers, selected for her optimal happiness, will be delivered at your home when you arrive, so you can give them to her,” the details indicated. “Open your e-mail for a confidential message.”

Wondering what the motive for flowers was, he pulled out his tablet from his bag. He was aware that he had not yet checked his e-mail, nearly 20 minutes after departure, and worried that it could be detected as a sign of something wrong in him, something to worry about.

“Our constant data analysis designed to provide you with optimal health and happiness has shown that you are ready for a life experience,” the message started. “In order to proceed with the experience, your spouse requires attention on your part.”

That was, obviously, why flowers had been ordered. He was curious about the life experience they were talking about.

“Data shows that men with your DNA characteristics are faithful with your life partner, and make ideal husbands and fathers when following a health and happiness program such as the one your company subscribe to. However, your DNA also shows that you should have a new sexual experience in the next 6 months. Analysis of your essential life data shows that during sexual experiences with your spouse, your degree of connection is sub-optimal. Please communicate with the Mylifetherapy App to help you customize the new experience that you need.”

The Mylifetherapy App was a really friendly and understanding App that connected your mind and body for optimal health and happiness. It was provided as a benefit to employees, their spouses, and dependents, as a way not only to optimize their work life, but to make them healthier and happier. It had helped many couples to solve a wide range of issues, and the divorce rate of employees had plummeted. Children and pets came into their lives at the best times, vacations were scheduled in consideration of all factors – even now, company-provided vacation experiences that didn’t require any travel were all the rage.

“How are you?” asked the Mylifetherapy App as soon as it opened. It already knew his vital information, so when he entered the usual “fine” answer, the App knew it was time to bring up the subject of the experience. “You already know that you have some desire for intercourse with men,” the App said, “but of course how can you do that while being happily married?”

“Awkward,” was Tim’s response.

“Yes,” said the App, “we don’t have all your data from before your employment, but most men in your situation respond in this way. However in order to provide you with the optimal health and happiness, and keep you optimally productive at work, it will be necessary to go on with the experience. Fortunately you and Jennifer follow our advice, and both of you will be happy with the outcome.”

That was reassuring. He was already happier, thankful that the company provided such comprehensive coverage.

“Your experience has been scheduled already, but you will be notified when you’re ready, so you don’t worry. Meanwhile have a wonderful evening with Jennifer. Flowers will be ready for you to give her when you arrive, and she has ordered a delicious meal for both of you, with just the right amount of a wine you’ll love.”

“Thank you,” Tim said to the App, before closing it. The bus arrived at his stop, announced by his Mylifewatch. The stop had been calculated to give him just the right amount of walking to process all that had been happening and reassure him that everything would be alright. A song came into his head, he wasn’t sure how, but it was a most happy song to have stuck in his head.

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